Happy new year!

Our Dickensian Christmas

 Welcome to our Dickensian Christmas.

The pendulum swings back every time and so it did this year. 4 years ago I wanted everything to be as British as possibly could be and now I understood why that tasted like it did (Horrible. Just raisins and horribleness) so to spare my soulsister I decided to make things look like a Dickensian Christmas but make it taste nice as well!

There was goose, we all loved that, now I know what that fuss was about. We all dressed up Victorian-style + one santa claus. There was mr Tudors mince pies. We had candles and oil lamps and greenery inside. There was a Christmas pudding made out of chocolate (with a coin inside to see who is king or queen). And roast vegetables.. (Damn it, I forgot the mistletoe!) We even watched a Christmas carol. Most of all though, we were all more or less ill and that's very Dickensian.

Lots of cooking, lying around, paper everywhere, chocolate and I must have re-done my Victorian hairstyles 100 times but we got trough it

Even if the English seems to have left that behind I think the Victorian Christmas is the prettiest of all so I always feel a bit Dickensian over Christmas.. One thing I can't do though, as a friend of mine suggested trying out, is celebrating Christmas day instead of Christmas eve. I don't feel like integrating THAT much. Much like driving on the left side and not using the metric system it must be a thing of the past that they have held on to. I prefer holding onto non-sparkly tinsels and meat in pies. So Christmas eve it is! 

Later on I found a series on bbc called Dickensian that kept me a little longer in the Dickensian Christmas spirit so I made a new skirt out of a Christmas present fabric.. It's just checked wool fabric but it really fits surprisingly well with the rest! It's also really warm so this might be my new favourite. (I'm not really crying in the picture, I just couldn't keep a straight face in pictures this Christmas.)

Luckily a month and 12 days..ish..is enough for me to tire of the whole thing entirely and I am now very happy for Christmas to be over. I'll probably still make a 12th night cake, but that will be it!

See you again next year Christmas spirit!

Oh yes, I almost forgot! 

Best thing about that is that if this actually happened we could all easily switch and all would be happy! 

Merry Christmas.

Satan and underwear. Two words that would be ill matched on a Christmas card.

I don't know what it is..maybe it's the Victorian farm Christmas in the background or maybe I enjoy the contrast of the white symbolising purity.. but I have a liking for white dresses. Especially white underdresses! So even if I wear the mismatched everyday clothes of the late Victorian towns people (I imagine!)  underneath its all white. I love my white underwear. 

This time I made an underdress for my bustle skirts. Partly because I "need" one but also because I have spent long enough gazing at the bustle-underdress in my local museum.. So here it is! made from one single sheet, which I find pretty impressive because that's not as much fabric to work with as it sounds. I might add more lace as I go along..

So how does satan fit into this? Well, technically he fits in very well! since the Victorians were the first ones to take underwear seriously in a moral way in probably forever.. Aside from other some eras not really having much underwear to speak of and Victorians  really made it into a moral artform (hence the white symbolising purity), they really ruined being naked for everyone. 

BUT that's not something I plan to build on since I quite like being naked so no, satan comes into it via a game that was invented in my bed last night by my friend and soulsister Amanda. She had misheard "secret Santa", the game where you fail at getting a random colleague or friend a suitable Christmas present, and instead it became #SecretSatan, the game where you give a random colleague or friend something they really couldn't or wouldn't use, but you have to put thought into it! So now, lets play a quiz! Of me, Carlos and Amanda, who is who in #SecretSatan.

Answers next time.

Oh and speaking of Dickens fair...!

 

 As a Scandinavian I didn't have Charles Dickens embedded in my culture so my first meeting  that I can remember with a Christmas carol came as a junior seamstress at the theatre. I liked the clothes even then.

I also remember this as the time when my tastes turned distinctly Victorian.. 

Make of that what you will.

Dickens Fair!!

So yes. Yesterday was this years Dickensian Christmas fair in Rochester and it was, as it usually is, cold, crowded and slightly confusing. And a little stressful. But it's still very much worth it! Probably more for the build up than the actual fair. 

Firstly the clothes!

I decided to make a new dress this year and actually started slowly already in September so my dress was finished way before the day. I'm actually more pleased with this one than anyone ever before so I'm happy I went with my feeling rather than what looks most accurate. I like the miss-matched street look of someone not quite as fashionable.. And I like Dickens fair because it feels like I can step into a character that is part less me but also partly more me than in normal life. 

My favourite Charles Dickens character is by far Estella (Great Expectations) or * Nancy (Oliver Twist). Mostly though, Charles Dickens characters are very hard to emulate for a woman because they are so badly written. He is not known for a deep understanding of females in his surroundings so I suppose that is as far as it goes. What I like is the stories and the world around it. I have found that I understand them much better than maybe a girl born in the 80's should.. Some might say though, that life hasn't fundamentally changed all that much. Not for all of us anyway.

In the end I'm more of a late 19th century kind of woman than a Dickensian one, so because of that I made my dress in my typical 1870-80's style. I like the gothic angles and the deep colours. And the bustle does great on my sway back.

My co-Dickensian Michelle went for a more mid century look and pulled it off very well I must say. Or 3 gentlemen Carlos, Steve and little Lus were all in waistcoats and smart trousers. In the end it seems we made a pretty good Dickensian street team.

Secondly the hair!

It turned out ok. Victorian hairstyles are so very sturdy but they take forever to make, even my quick one, so in the hurry I just got it good enough and ran out the door. And my God did it last. I could have fallen down a cliff and get recognised only by the hair, that's how long lasting that hair was. I'm so doing that again.

Lastly, the actual fair.

When we finally got there we were earlier than usually which meant that, even though there was a lot of confused pushing around, it actually felt like we saw everything we came to see (except the parade, what happened to that?!). We had some cakes on the street and looked at craft stalls and rode the ferris wheel.. I dug trough a basket of lace tablecloths in complete darkness. It was fun. Did I wish it hadn't been so cold? yes I did. Did it annoy me that people kept stepping on my dress? Definitely. Was it worth it? Absolutely.

I think this tradition means so much to me because we have done it ever since the first year we lived in England and before that it was something I always had wanted to do so it's become a symbol of having achieved my dream in a way. It was nice to share it with our friends and it's always a little different every year but it's always something I look forward too a ridiculous amount and I think sometimes people find it odd..its just a market after all.. But I went trough so much to get to be there. So if I want to go every year for the rest of my life and always start getting ready in September for it then I will. 

Because Dickens fair is the jewel in my crown. 

* If I could I would have picked literally ANY other clip of her, because showing women as victims first is common enough, but this seems to be the only way she is remembered so I'll take what I can get.

There's no money to save us. But there's always money for war..isn't there.

Today I read that only hours after the government decided to bomb Syria with no plan or idea of how many will die just to prove a point, the army fired away the bombs. 

As I read that my 7 year old was opening his Christmas calendar. That's how lucky we are. And I am happy to be so lucky because somewhere there's a 7 year old being killed by bombs that we sent instead of opening calendars this morning. 

That blood is on all of our hands. It is. And may God forgive us.

Because they wont.

Dickens Christmas fair!

3 days to go! I have all of mine and most of my familys things ready for dressing up..and my friends almost kitted out (yes, I DO have all the bits other people need for it too, I love dickens fair!) so now the only thing I need to figure out is my hair. I say "need" in the most 1st world country way possible because we all know there are more important things in this world than my Victorian hairstyle, such as convincing people to stop voting Tory and drive us into a 3rd world war over oil in the middle east (and I can't believe we think of our selves as more modern than other conquering nations and times, how full of one self can one be?) and if I'm evil to let the terrible school system be my sons shitty thing in life that makes him a better person so I don't have to take the blow and...you know..squirrels. But since I don't have much of a say about either of those things I'm gonna stick to the hair.

So! I did find a really helpful blog the other day where a woman did really simple instructions on everyday hairstyles (without loose hair) so I thought I'd try my favourite of those! Turns out..my hair hates staying up. So I made almost the same one with hair wrapped around a bun but then I left some of it down but it looked a little bit tarty so I'm going to try again later today... I did like it though so I might leave it that way anyway! It went well with my little hat.

The thing I like about Victorian hairstyles is that they tend to sweep all the hair out of my face, and that's something I really want right now that my hair is longer than ever! But will see..

Bittersweet Dollshouses

Today I fell in love at first sight. Or my inner 9 year old did anyway.. I was looking at blankets in a charity shop for my sewing and, dramatically, turned around and saw it. A wooden dollshouse with staircases and openable windows and doors..a fireplace..tiny little doorknobs and hooks for tiny little clothes..lanolin floor pattern in the kitchen. A lamp already plugged into the little outlet in the wall. 

If only it had been 20 years ago.

Made me think of those moments when something so perfect, something one might have always wished for or really needed comes around much too late. It's a kind of bitter happiness isn't it? Like always having believed in unicorns and then you see one on your very last day alive. And I kept thinking how happy that would have made me 20 years ago and now.. Now I have that life I always imagined for my dolls. Almost. And I don't need it anymore.. My vintage posters are now original sized and my bed iron framed..And the warmth I imagined they felt for their bundled up babies I now pick up from school everyday..in my perfect housewife life. In matching clothes. 

It's different with people..People one can't replace or replicate. But with things I do have the initial reaction to want to become one of those sportscar driving old men who finally got it (!) but then..wasn't this where I wanted to be all along? Wasn't my Lundby house decorating my own childlike escape into the life I wish I had? And everything has it's time and place and my time and place was then. Not now.

The dollshouses I make now are very different, they are not to be furnished or played with, lived in.. they are more like and artistic expression. I didn't really realise until I just wrote that line how far away I have walked form where I started.. 

Metaphorically.

So I left it there for some 9 year old to maybe get for this Christmas. 

Hopefully. 

And I'll make a custard tart instead.

10 years is a long time.

Arsenic green part 2

I am only buttons away form being finished with my arsenic green dreams dress. Literally, I have to find some buttons and then it is done. 

I'm having it for the Dickensian Christmas fair this year. It's not really very Dickensian (that tends to be either Regency or mid Victorian) but it is Victorian! and it turns out my friend Michelle does way better in a bonnet than I do.. Still, I'm pretty happy with my dress! 

I've made it in the style of the mid 1880's but I like to make it look a little bit unfashionable partly because I think it suits me better. If this was actually that time and I was really a Victorian I would be a lower middle class housewife with eccentric tendencies all the same, so it feels more at home to be..me.

In the past I've made the highneck collars of the 1880's but they do bore me.. I know everyone had them but would I have? That's always what I think when I make them and so this time I didn't. It adds to the unfashionability of it as well since a low neckline is an earlier fashion than the bustle at the back and I kind of like that..

The bustle was this ones annoyance though! There's always one thing that I get stuck on.. It's usually the sleeves or the neckline so I kept my eyes on that so much that the lower back part went off on a weird one. In the end I got it fixed but as one might notice it made the back a little shorter than expected. But I decided to be fine with that. For the most part the bustle will be made up of the green skirt since the apron skirt might just stay as a front piece.

That's another historically accurate piece, the apron skirt. Somewhere in the early 1880's the detachable part of the 1870's bustle swings to the front and becomes like an apron. I quite like the look of that, it makes it look like one is walking in a strange duck-like way. 

And speaking of historically accurate, I have not been so proud of a discovery for ages as I was when I last time discovered the right way to angle the fabric to make the stripes go in the historically accurate looking direction. So proud! (selvedge in the sides, not in the front/back) So this one is, now deliberately, made in the same way.

Now there are only the buttons left. 

The gloves are actually a pretty clever idea that Michelle, my partner in...sewing? had a few days ago. My sleeves are a little short for wintertime, and it is getting pretty freezing even in Kent, so I cut a kneesock in half and sewed it into my crochet cloves for warmth. We'll see how that turns out..

Undecided about the hat yet...I might have to turn to google for inspiration.

To be continued..

A taste out of todays Annoying bowl!

You know what I really hate? People who fear conflict. And I don't mean globally, I'm not sitting here backing conservative millionaires warmongering, no, I mean the little pointless fears of conflict. Like when I have a question to sort out and everyone answers "that's not my responsibility". Or when you are not allowed to go 2 streets down to talk to an actual person but have to instead call them. I don't like personal fear of conflict because I think it makes people unnecessarily boring while complicated at the same time, but I really hate the middle management  fear of conflict! I want to beat them with sticks until they take their human responsibilities. 

As for warmongering millionaires..there's two types of fear of conflict and I'm pretty sure you all chose the wrong one.

 

How Maidstone feels at this time of the year.

I ended up wearing a scarf wrapped around my head like someone out of the Emigrants today. That happened.

Belated Halloween

Sometimes things happen as fast as when rolling down a hill. And no one blogs while rolling down hills, but now I'm back!

This was the foggiest and warmest Halloween I have ever had. It was pretty perfect actually.. Partly because I finished Lus costume in time for once! The day before Halloween it was hanging there on the hanger, all finished and accessorised and ready to wear. 

And the costume: Draco Malfoy from the Harry Potter films.

The scarf was ready weeks ago and we already did the wands so all there really was to fix was the cloak (he already has a uniform because..England.) so during a day of Halloween films to keep the child occupied and off the floor I cut out and sewed up his green and black wool cloak. Wool was ridiculously hard to find in this country. I ended up buying it online and it was ok..but I suppose the British are not a wool wearing people?

As always my child picked the side of evil and so I had to also make a slytherin badge as well. Part of me didn't have the time to find a real one and part of me just really didn't want to so instead I looked it up and drew it onto some fabric and painted it instead. It could have been smoother around the edges but I think it's good enough. 

Then off he was! to Leeds castle for magic lessons. Pretty awesome actually.

To me it's still surprising how much of the British schools actually are just like Hogwarts! As I mentioned he obviously already have uniforms  but also things like being divided into houses and having prefects and getting house points for doing things and that weird pupil-teacher relationship where they call them by the last names, that actually happens! So really, Harry Potter is much less fiction then we all imagined. It's like a version of school all the English kids imagine would be the coolest school ever..I imagine. If English kids had really restricted imaginations (which is entirely possible!)

As soon as winter sets in for real I'll send him to school dressed like this.

And the rest of Halloween? well our pumpkin carving night went off as usual. We even dressed up! there were genies, witches, cats and even a "masked adventure" (still laughing about that)...and of course a morally grey wizard. 

Trick or treating is one of my favourites though. It's one of the few times of the year when peaking into other peoples houses is totally acceptable. And no child can eat all the sweets by them selves! 

As some might remember I am also slightly superstitious so at the end of the day I didn't let the lights go out..

Happy Halloween.

Happy Halloween

Monster Mash.

.

Chop chop children

...

Spin spin.

Soooon my precious

Dance dance.

To travel or not to travel.

 

Considering my track record of travelling I seem to have done a 360.. Back when I didn't have much of a home to come back to I loved to travel but now I have the worst of separation anxieties. I guess one does really take the good with the bad at all times.

Can't wait to be back.

Arsenic green dreams.

It was a while ago I realised that making dresses that only fit if I wear corsets just will not be worn all that much..and I don't actually need to with this one either.. but here I sit. Tightly bound into my corset and feeling fabulous! It's just so much prettier with the corset (and by that I mean historically accurate looking). There's something very disturbingly patriarchal about how I feel a rush of power and excitement over not being able to take deep breaths or drink a whole smoothie. That panic-like dizziness for the first 5 minutes before one gets used to it.. It's the extreme of withstanding pain for someone else's pleasure and even if I'm alone I still feel it. 

To be fair, we all do it all the time don't we..

But back to the dress!

I finished it! I must say I'm getting pretty impressed with my own speed sewing and determination. I am going to make the top-part that I actually meant to make as well but that will have to be after Halloween. So far so good though, I really didn't imagine my experiment ball dress top would turn out this well. Considering I got to borrow some vampire bite tattoos from my child I might just wear this for Halloween and say I'm Mina Murray form Dracula. 

Sans corset!

It's Halloween after all.

But yes, I am very happy with my new dress, totally ready to party. Because it's some kind of synthetic (yes I know..) it's much lighter than my cotton dresses and the boning worked out really well! I can see why people put them in. It smooths it all out and makes it look very structured even if its a thin fabric. I also tried another historically accurate thing: fastenings with hooks. I'm actually quite a fan of that when it works. It usually doesnt and ends up lumpy but I think the bones helped with that too, held them in place a bit. 

I'm not sure how often I will actually use the top but the skirt really is my favourite so far. That will go with everything.

Now, time to break out of my steel prison and finish that smoothie.

 

In preparation for the cultural exchange fair at school

Once, when I was a little girl, I walked on the road between my cousins house and grandmothers house and there in the forest next to the road I saw the wolves with their glimmering eyes. I had heard of how they roam the woods in dusk and how I should not let them see I was scared. So I walked calmly down the road while they watched me and I felt as if I had escaped death.  

Half way there

A few days ago I almost finished this test version of a 1870's-80's ball gown. I'm sure you see where my patience ran out. I tend not to be great at handling setbacks so when the front ended up uneven (as it often does.. *sigh*) I decided to leave it until I felt like dealing with it...so far I haven't. 

BUT! actually the important part is the skirt! and the skirt turned out just fine. It's my favourite so far of all of my skirts because it's so very historically accurate looking and that just makes me happy.  I've never made a lining at the hem before but I highly recommend it! it's very easy and makes it look a lot better. Also, no real Victorian skirt would have been without it, or so I hear.. 

After this I'm making the two top parts, the jacket and the apron over-skirt out of dark grey wool. I'm planing to make them look as historically accurate as well. It's almost starting to feel like I've made enough of these outfits now to seem like my practice makes perfect. 

Almost..

It's going to be a very 1880's look in the end (my favourite!) but while I figure some things out I wanted to try a thing I have also never tried before: boning my bodice. That's a very common thing to read about in the context of historical accuracy but I suppose I've never really made anything where it would have been necessary so I never have. So since I had some fabric left over I thought I would try.. and aside for my common mistake of an uneven front I think it went pretty well!

I also like that now I'll have two tops for my skirt, one for walking around in and one for dancing. Also very historically accurate! 

It's not quite done..but so far I like it. It needs some fixing and bustling and buttons before I decide if I want to keep it.

As a contrast to my earlier dress this is much more in my comfort zone. I like the dark, rich colours..the drama..the passion. After all I am a city girl. I feel more at home on dark streets than in the field.

This will be more Bel Amie than Tess of the dUrbervilles, more Dracula and Anna Karenina.. Yes, I do like my film inspirations. Makes a good contrast to fashion plates.

À bientôt.

As always.

Victorian little bits

Dried my tears after last post (yes, there were tears, a lot of tears, deal with it) and now it's onwards and upwards with some hats and stuff! There isn't really that much to say about it other then that I made some hats.. One red velvet bonnet, which I forced both my child and sister to wear before I came to the conclusion that I must have accidentally made a child bonnet ..or both me and my sister suffer from large headedness... either way. But I'm still pretty happy with it! I started it the same day as we went to Dickens World in Chatham (finally!!) so I felt inspired.. 

The other one I made that day too and is supposed to go with my latest Victorian dress and a jacket for the next Dickensian Christmas hopefully. It's really just Lus old upcycled summer hat but hopefully it will look like it fits in. I like that it's a bit torn, that's kind of the look I'm going for. I also really do like making hats because it's so easy, it's just stuff glued onto other stuff really. The only bit of sewing is inside and the back of the bonnet, that I did hand sew to make sure it fit.

This on the other hand requires much more sewing! I've started my next Victorian dress. It's going to be emerald green and dark grey. I found the green fabric in my next door charity shop and though.. "that looks like arsenic green!" so yeah, that's how I knew. We'll see how it goes...

 Because passion was never a weakness.

Ljusa kvällar om våren.

I was 4 years old when I first felt it. The unease. The longing for something unknown far away..

I sometimes wonder how much I have in common with my ancestors who emigrated in the 1800's.. It seems people don't really change that much on a personal level from century to century and even if the practical things are very different I can very well imagine they might have felt a lot like me. We mustn't forget that our generation is the first in living memory to have a darker future than the generation before.

When I first came to England it was a one way trip I didn't know if I would ever return from. Sometimes when I lie in the grass looking up at the trees I'm amazed at how soft it all looks and I think...that to my son this will be normal. That's a very divided feeling.

From the mid 1860's on there was a mass emigration of Scandinavians out of what was then poor developing countries because of lack of jobs, bad harvests and harsh winters that lead to mass starvation. My own grandmothers father left for America just like many others.. apparently there are about 8 million descendants of Scandinavians in America only and, to put that into perspective, that's about the whole population of one of the countries in Scandinavia. I find this really fascinating not only because I live with the legacy of that but because I made the same choice and it saturates my family and my whole being..

In the end the conclusion is always the same now or a 100 years ago: 

Våra barn ska aldrig känna längtans vånda och ve.
Inga klara syner från mitt förgånga ska doms se
De ska aldrig fråga sig om det knoppas eller blommar
I landet långt bort, och länge sen
Inte höra ljud av skratt i symmningen
Som ekon i från barndomsåren
Ljusa kvällar om våren

I still remember how that cracked road felt under my feet

 And it is more than worth it. 


For as an emigrant you get the best of both worlds. Life really is better. You get to live on and feel free with all the knowledge and experience it gives you while building something completely new.. And those memories of the cracked road under your feet will forever be perfect in your mind. Nothing can ever take my rose-tinted memories away with the flawed reality. 
I get to keep the beauty and forget the darkness.. So that is what I will share if my son ever asks if the place that once was my home is still there. Because in my mind the apples still hang on the trees..just waiting..

Jag är äntligen fri.

29.

This week when my sons friend asked me how old I am and his mother pulled him away and told him not to be rude I waited a moment..then I leaned down to him and whispered '29'. Even if I feel old and worn in many ways by now 29 isn't all that old, but it is old enough to be proud of!

When I thought about it it hit me..child sized me always thought that 30 was the year people were considered old and properly grown up and..my life is exactly as I imagined it..when I sat by the road side in the Swedish countryside..trough all the hardships and abandonments and uprootings...while meeting all these people that has made my life worth living. Seeing the beauty in the bad and experiencing the freedom of a new world.

During all the disbelief.

Sometimes I can not believe I made it.

 

Next year I will have lived twice as long as doctors once predicted..and man, has it been a cool ride so far!