Girly midnight rants.

I suppose it should be called "womanly midnight rants" because I cringe every time a grown woman is referred to as a girl. But anyway, here it goes:

I've been having a hard time lately. They do just seem to follow each other sometimes, but this one has been particularly hard. And that's Why I Need Feminism. I'm sure you have all seen the pictures by now; female holding sign being "already strong" and declaring why she needs no hairy, angry feminists fighting for her! 

 Well  I do need it!

But I felt like one of those girls the other day. It was late and I walked down to the shop and on the way I met a friend of mine so I took out my headphones from my ears. We talked and walked. He went one way and I went the other. Got my juice. As I walked on I realized I no longer had music in my ears. And the fear that came over me was..unexpected! I could see people looking at me. I say people but I mean men..every single one of them stronger then me who consider me just barely human. And if anyone comes up and talks to me I will pretend to like it moderately so I can slip away. People have tough me all my life that my body is not mine to decide over. My will is barely worth considering. And I haven't even gotten to the rape part yet! 

I have called my self a high risk rape-victim both seriously and as a joke many times because I know that my refusal to be afraid is provoking and because I am not doing it out of ignorance but because I hate the teeny tiny living space I have been dealt in life. And I hate it when guys think they are nice and say I'm not like other girls. I am exactly like all the other girls and there is nothing wrong with that! We all want some fucking living space without being harassed or corrected or slut-shamed or raped or murdered or told to like "nice guys" or told how to look, be ,live, like, feel, behave, talk! Is that too much to ask without a condescending hand on the thigh?

So I put my headphones back in my ears and turn up my Guns n Roses. But I walk straight home because that night is no different then any other...and I had become like all the other girls. Compliant. 

That day passed and I will probably never stop refusing to fear my world, but it made me think of those ones with the signs. In a way..needing feminism is like turning off the music in your ears. Without the distractions it's fucking terrifying. 

But I do need feminism.

Not because I'm weak or can't open jars. I need it because it gave me the strength not to fear when I needed it the most. To know that I'm not alone..and to not be that girl that is so different. Alienated amongst men. I need it because it gives me hope.

And if all those "women against feminism" people don't need it then good for you! but don't deprive the needy because you have all you need.

Ps. There are no "nice guys". Bubble burst. 

And I bet women are more human then men because we have to deal with your stupid ass shit when you're too lazy to think for your self.