Finding ones place.

Some days ago I had a strange conversation with someone I barely know. It was strange partly because I'm always surprises me how surprised British people are when I say that this is a country with a very strong class system...but it was also strange because I accidental revealed something obvious but, to me, quite shameful. I have a love/hate relationship with the class system. I know it isn't good, not in an objective way..and I do not believe in the separation of people or property before people...at all. But as if by accident..I fell in exactly where I had always wanted to be. Like a puzzle piece that had never fitted. I secretly love that I was lucky..in the puzzle of the British class system I am the lucky one. And for a little while..that is kind of nice.

But for a long long time I've been simulating that in my dollhouses, I think. That feeling of calm excitement when environment and person just fits perfectly together. They do say you always want what you can not have..maybe I just wanted to belong all this time. Maybe. Definitely.

So now that my latest (and awsomest) house is all finished I'm letting my dolls have a peek! It was the child that first suggested it but I must say..I quite like moving them around the house! It's like they are checking it out...

I have two of my main dolls finished since 2 last night...a little boy almost finished. One of them I just made like I like it so that will have to be me...then comes a sister. A mixture of my real sister and my soulsister I would say... And soon to be finished a little Lus.

To be continued...

It's all of us.

If you are currently reading this in a room with more than 5 women you are statistically likely to be in the presence of a rape victim. And since the popular belief that "evil" comes to us from outer space is highly unlikely I can't help but wonder... If you are in a room with more then 5 men..how likely are you to be in the presence of a rapist? And why is there no statistics on that?

Airing my house

I have sort of decided to try to hold on to my inspiration and finish my 1640's house. The past week I've actually finished quite a lot of it! No more people so far but the attic is now finished on the inside and the rest is getting there.. 

 

That's my slide show! 

It's mostly just some small stuff and the outside that needs fixing..and the people 

I have finally decided who is to live there. The older I get the clearer it gets that family was always the most important thing...maybe not in the traditional sense, but still! So I am putting a family in there. In a way it will be a different version of my own family.. Then of course I have my house-man and all the other random people I'll be putting in there. Haven't decided on who they will be yet, but I'm sure it will come to me!

One thing is for sure though: someone will be a witch.

Girly midnight rants.

I suppose it should be called "womanly midnight rants" because I cringe every time a grown woman is referred to as a girl. But anyway, here it goes:

I've been having a hard time lately. They do just seem to follow each other sometimes, but this one has been particularly hard. And that's Why I Need Feminism. I'm sure you have all seen the pictures by now; female holding sign being "already strong" and declaring why she needs no hairy, angry feminists fighting for her! 

 Well  I do need it!

But I felt like one of those girls the other day. It was late and I walked down to the shop and on the way I met a friend of mine so I took out my headphones from my ears. We talked and walked. He went one way and I went the other. Got my juice. As I walked on I realized I no longer had music in my ears. And the fear that came over me was..unexpected! I could see people looking at me. I say people but I mean men..every single one of them stronger then me who consider me just barely human. And if anyone comes up and talks to me I will pretend to like it moderately so I can slip away. People have tough me all my life that my body is not mine to decide over. My will is barely worth considering. And I haven't even gotten to the rape part yet! 

I have called my self a high risk rape-victim both seriously and as a joke many times because I know that my refusal to be afraid is provoking and because I am not doing it out of ignorance but because I hate the teeny tiny living space I have been dealt in life. And I hate it when guys think they are nice and say I'm not like other girls. I am exactly like all the other girls and there is nothing wrong with that! We all want some fucking living space without being harassed or corrected or slut-shamed or raped or murdered or told to like "nice guys" or told how to look, be ,live, like, feel, behave, talk! Is that too much to ask without a condescending hand on the thigh?

So I put my headphones back in my ears and turn up my Guns n Roses. But I walk straight home because that night is no different then any other...and I had become like all the other girls. Compliant. 

That day passed and I will probably never stop refusing to fear my world, but it made me think of those ones with the signs. In a way..needing feminism is like turning off the music in your ears. Without the distractions it's fucking terrifying. 

But I do need feminism.

Not because I'm weak or can't open jars. I need it because it gave me the strength not to fear when I needed it the most. To know that I'm not alone..and to not be that girl that is so different. Alienated amongst men. I need it because it gives me hope.

And if all those "women against feminism" people don't need it then good for you! but don't deprive the needy because you have all you need.

Ps. There are no "nice guys". Bubble burst. 

And I bet women are more human then men because we have to deal with your stupid ass shit when you're too lazy to think for your self.