Monday, 29 July 2013

Fear and Love in Maidstone

.Side step.

They say you don't know what you have til it's gone. I'd like to say that you do. You know how deeply you love just before it is all snatched away. 
I could be talking about love in the conventional way now and it would be true..but this time I mean something slightly less..romantic, if you will.

..Just as happy inside as on the street
I am home. For the first time in 20 years I am home again. I doubt most people understand the gravity of that, but one day I stood in my kitchen ironing on the bench I had just cleaned and watched "the White Queen" and I knew I loved this place. I love with a passion, like that early teenage love that stays with you, that first time you feel like you found love since you loved unconditionally as a little child, that kind of love. I don't care if it fades, I don't care if it's real..I am just thankful I get to have it. Right now I never want to leave. And as I folded the skirts and put them in the cupboard I remembered my mothers hateful words...and I felt like the luckiest girl that ever lived because I do not feel them.  All the pain and all the fighting makes every experience feel like bright colours, like lightning..

I curse those that will soon try to take this away from me, I will not let you!  I love my mismatched beautiful took me into it's arms and I was no longer outside..I don't fear anymore.. 

I am already home.

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