Today is a cold day. The coldest in years probably because I usually don't need tights under my jeans but hey! there they are! Just like in the old days. It's my 4th winter in England this year and to sort of randomly celebrate that I've decided to make a list of 5 surprising facts I've learned so far!
Now you might wonder if they are really "facts"? Well yes. And no. I'm in England so whatever I say is fact is fact, ok!
1. Food
This was the first thing that surprised me. The food is really good! And cheap! Never mind the alcohol in the shops, the real difference is the cheap food, and it's also exactly the way I like it. I never used to cook a lot of food before, not willingly anyway, but here it's so easy! I have gone from hating food in all forms to gaining weight, thanks England!
*Warning. If you already like food be prepared, their food is fatty as fuck.
*Warning 2. If picky, don't eat at other peoples houses, their food might be good but they cook it badly!
2. Politeness (=Lies)
I actually love their grey area mentality about the truth here sometimes! Now, this was not surprising in one way, the Brits are world renowned for their politeness..and I really like it in the way where people talk to me in the queue and say hello when we barely know each other but.. I was surprised how this mutates as you get to know people. Politeness is very often a thinly veiled lie. And that's fine in random conversations at the busstop or when almost bumping into someone in the street..It's even a good thing when you just need to be nice and tell a white lie to make someone feel good! But the English lie a lot! Try to actually get something done or have an honest conversation and it becomes like a metaphorical lego pit. You don't want people lying to you about important paperwork! You don't want your friends to hurrying for "sorry" and "a cup of tea" when actually..there are important things that can't be solved by mountains of politeness..
3. School
I can't escape this one. By far the biggest cause of stress in my English life. It's bad. That pretty much sums it up! It's like a bank where you put your kids for 6 hours a day and it takes them 3 years to learn to write. It's inefficient, it's badly structured and I bet the teachers are run like machines in the money factory. But most of all I was surprised, not at how bad it was (England is also world renowned for that) but at how ignorant people are about it, for example other ways it could be done and is done around the world, and how unwilling they are to admit it! I'd send my child to a shit school if I had to, but don't polish the turd..! for fucks sake, don't embarrass your selves. If you want to be backwards and driven by housepoints like in Harry Potter, stand up and say so! You have lots of things that compensate for it so just leave the turd or fix it. Either way makes you look less like a stubborn 2 year old.
4. The Empire
Firstly I want to say that I have watched a lot of British historical documentaries. Probably all of them. Ruth Goodman is the historical documentary-love of my life, closely followed by Lucy Worlsly and Kate Williams! So yes, I knew of the empire. What I didn't know was that it's still here. I knew the moment I moved here that I was now in the empire. It's unmistakeable. It lives on in the old fashioned ways they do things and in the boilers and charities and afternoon teas. The empire is still alive in society and in peoples minds. But it's so ingrained and introvert that they don't see it, not really.
I really have a love/hate relationship with this because even if it does make life less equal and less efficient...it also radicalises people. And I did always want to go back in time.
*Warning. It can come with some facepalming statements,such as "They knew we were British so they just swapped over to English".
5. Wellies
Lastly, if you as a supposed Scandinavian or other nationality from a country where damp is not part of your morning routine (haha, you will get that later!) are thinking of moving to Britain...get some waterproof clothes. Wellies specifically. There is nothing so cold as walking in wet shoes as the drizzle seeps into your clothes. I think that, and the differens in bacteria, is the reason so many of us get so very ill at first here.
I'd add that the damp ruins the houses as well so look out for a good one but...don't kid your selves, you're immigrants in the empire now, buckle up!
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