I resign.

It's been 13 years. 

When I celebrated my birthday this year I also celebrated the death of something that was made by others and now killed by me.

I remember the exact moment when I became what people call a "Muse"..I was 15 in a candlelit room with my hair curled..and that flash of light set my perception of my self in stone. 

I can't say I haven't loved it, because I have. I have seen things and done things I would never take back and I have met the most extraordinary people. But being a muse is not about being effortlessly inspiring. Being an extension of someone else's imagination, being secretly aware of your appearance at all times, existing simply to create a feeling in someone else that you do not get to feel...seeing others accomplishing things you wish you could do..That is what a muse does. A muse is someone without an inner self.

So I resign. After 13 years I am tired of being just an outside. I no longer care to inspire, I want to be my own person, with my own accomplishments and give my self the right to exist. There is a person in there somewhere that I'd really like to know. So from now on I will write whatever I like.

 I am a muse no longer.

My birthday - breakfast forever!

So yeah, took some time away from creating stuff to celebrate that I have survived for 28 years! Yeah I know..amazing. 

In true wierd-style I became the Red Queen (finally got to wear my red cape!) and invited Alice and the Cheshire Cat to a sugar and alcohol filled pre-birthday party in the garden. Kind of like this:

Just to make it clear, if I was in wonderland..I would definitely be the red queen. She is my favourite! And I suppose it's not for nothing that my husband said he would love to live in my world...but I would most likely become the new Stalin...

Anyway!

My birthday was just one long morning with cake in bed with my crown on... And roses. Lots and lots of red roses..! Thank you for that.

So have I learned anything so far..? well....

1. I never actually take breaks from creating. Not really.

2. The older you get the more you understand your parents..mostly because you become increasingly like them!

3. face creams don't work. none of them.

4. It's more important to be happy and kind than to be right.

5. Genealogy is fucking awesome!

There. Hope you all enjoy ageing as much as I do :)