It's the rape you guys, the rape!
Lately when I've read those lists in various places (on facebook) I've started to think there is a specific problem about everything that's being said in them. Mainly that it's not very clear. They mention things like texting too often and giving unasked for compliments but... you either have to know what they are talking about already or really care to understand it. And quite honestly I don't think "nice guys" do. So here it is! My list of what makes "nice guys" so awful.
nr 1. (and this is a big one) It's the rape. Just in all forms and ways, the rape threats, the rape jokes, the slut shaming and, of course, the actual rape. If you class yourself as a "nice guy" you are almost without a fail guilty to some or all of these.
Just stop it.
nr 2. The stalking. Can you just fucking chill out. You can not hunt down affection or vagina (well actually you can, see nr 1, but it still falls into the "just fucking stop it" category). Women are human beings that need time to think and personal space just like you guys.
Just stop it.
nr 3. The guilting. Or as I like to call it: boyfriends are the worst. Don't guilt anyone into sex, that's also rape. Don't gaslight. Don't trick your friends into dating you or have sex with you out of guilt. Don't make anyone feel bad about their bodies, it's not likely to change, you're not being with a DIY project and there is already a multimillion industry on that, that's going to do a way better job then you.
Just stop it.
There! that's my main list. It can be compromised into:
Just fucking chill out. Work on your social skills and chill the fuck out. That doesn't mean stop, because there are more options than throwing your car keys in the river and running people over, it means slow down and learning to read the situation.
Oh and here's an extra hint on the way:
Don't gender people. Don't talk about how you already know how someone will behave because they are "naturally like that" or pretend women are some alien life form that's impossible to understand. We are all human with the same amount of feelings and desires and differences.
Just stop it.
I think men in general underestimate how stressful and extremely tiring it can be to constantly be in use, like an asset that needs to be evenly spread, and all those lists and hints and tips are all really about that. The wish to be seen as a person and not as a price or a commodity.
But if you do feel yourself represented in this list, fear not, there is hope! Burn your Nice Guy-Bingo Card! You can become a really nice person without earning any points or pointing it out. And let's face it, you're probably just a bad guy in nice guy suit anyway so now you can congratulate yourself on all that sex you will now undoubtedly get since you no longer finish last, ey?
Seriously though. Be a person, not a nice guy.
